Thursday, October 18, 2012

On being a big brother

I know I've been so sentimental lately about brothers, but Ben really is the sweetest brother to Jackson, so I wanted to get some things down for him and I to always remember . . . in case things change one day, you know. : )
A few days ago I was walking Jackson down the hallway into his room for his nap after Ben gave him kisses of course, and Ben yells out "Remember, Baby Jacky, you're the cutest baby in the whole wide world!"  Killed me.
Ben is safety patrol in this house.  He ALWAYS keeps an eye on Jackson for me.  Whether I ask him too or not.  Whether I am in the room also or not.  Ben started yelling for me, shouting "help me with this kid," when I was in the other room.  I of course hurried over, but apparently not fast enough for Ben who was almost in tears because Jackson was headed right towards some cords behind the tv.  He was seriously so concerned for his baby brother it almost made me cry.  And no I don't rely solely on my four-year-old for the safety and well being on my 8-month-old.  Not solely.
I have never noticed any jealousy when it comes to Jackson, as far as James and I are concerned.  I do see him vying for attention though around other family member or strangers.  Today we were at Joann fabric store and several mainly older women kept smiling and waving to Jackson in the cart. Ben was actually sitting in the basket right behind Jackson and apparently getting none of the same attention.  He asked me, "why does everyone only care about Baby Jacky and not me."  It wasn't said in a completely sad and pathetic voice, so don't get too overly concerned for Ben.  He's not traumatized over it or anything.  But tonight as I hugged him before bed I told him that he is just as special to us as Jackson.  I continued to explain that people just love babies, just like him and I do (we really share that in common).  And because Jackson is the cutest baby in the whole world, people just go crazy for him.  He completely understood.
Also today Jackson was really fussy in the car on the long ride home from Los Gatos.  After a while Ben said, "I'm the good one right now, huh?!"  I just had to laugh to myself.  I guess we need to stop playing the comparison game.  Ben completely understands when we tell him sometimes- in moments of inappropriate behavior mind you- that he is being a bigger cry baby than the baby.  And everyone is always talking about how good Jackson is also.  Kids are smart gosh darn-it.
One thing though, amongst others, that I always praise Ben for is being an amazing brother.  It is my absolute number one favorite thing in this world- watching him be a brother.  I know that there will be downers later on about their 3 and a 1/2 year age gap, but I am just loving it right now.  Not only are things logistically so much easier than if I had two in diapers say, but I love that Ben and I are experiencing this baby thing together.  I know he wont remember all that much about this time, but for now it is so fun to have a little buddy everyday to go through this new phase with.  We talk to each other about how cute Jackson is, or how we cannot believe how big he is getting- kinda like how I talk to James at the end of the day when we are laying in bed staring at Jackson (no he does not sleep with us, but James likes to sneak him out of his bed for a little snuggle sesh nightly).  They say that having children makes you love your spouse even more- and I would sometimes argue that the stress of children can have just the opposite effect. sometimes.  I would also have to add that it has made me love my Ben even more than I did before.  If that's possible.

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