I'm so glad that my children are still young, and maybe it's just a boy thing to be flexible and not really care a whole lot anyway. We aren't going to be together as a family for Easter this year due to our adults only trip with the Greenes. I thought perhaps Ben would be sad, but he's just thrilled to get to celebrate Easter twice! We celebrated as a little family and with the in-laws last Sunday, and my boys will get to celebrate on Easter with my parents and sister's family. It wasn't a typical Easter season for us this year (no parties with friends or city events that I usually sign them up for or take them to, but I'm just happy we got a little bit of celebration in and that the boys get double the fun.
Now that's some bed head!
Easter baskets from GG. Including one for baby sister!
On Sunday James and I are sailing away with his siblings and parents to beautiful Central America on a seven day cruise. And I'm not going to lie this has provided me with some great motivation to hit the gym. I've been very committed to working out for the last three months, since escaping the snare of my first trimester a little ahead of schedule at ten weeks. James joined at the same time as me, but was just playing basketball in an attempt to get ready for his March Madness trip (during which he played basketball only once). He decided that nineteen days ago he'd start hitting the weights to get beach body ready. Yes, you read that nineteen days ago. And these are his results. Super annoying right.
He does have two advantages over me however. One, he was assisted by some natural and fully legal supplements via the Vitamin Shop. He also has changed his diet and has been eating very healthy and very light these last few weeks; something that I don't always have the willpower to commit to (i.e. cravings), and oh yeah I've got this little thing known as eating for two going on right now also. All joking aside though I'm so proud of my man and I too have been very happy with the results of my hard work at the gym and am feeling great for twenty-three weeks pregnant. I also feel that despite my inevitably growing mid section, I've shrunk in a few other places. So I believe that we are both beach ready. Now to just get packed and ready and kiss my babies enough times the next couple days to last me for a whole week. I'm going to miss them so much and am having some anxiety about leaving them, but they are so excited for their week with their Mimi and Papa, and I cannot even fathom all the kid free minutes, hours, and days. It's going to be paradise in more ways than one.
I was just taking a look at my draft folder and saw that for some reason this never got posted. Totally out of place here, considering it's a whole ten months old, but still I want to post it for the memories.
My boys sure are lucky to have James as their daddy. He works super hard to provide for us. His favorite thing in the world is to snuggle with them at night. He aspires to provide them with every wonderful opportunity in life and has BIG plans and dreams for them. I foresee lots of boys trips, workouts, and late night (advice) chats in these guys futures.
We enjoyed celebrating our super dad by gathering all of his favorite treats and drinks to put together a special delivery package direct from the Super Hero Supply Co. delivered right to our doorstep by two of their cutest and most super deliver boys.
Ben has been difficult lately. Huge understatement. After we moved for the second time in a matter of six months I decided that I wasn't going to find a new pre-k for him to attend for half the year and that I would just keep him home and homeschool. This has been part of our problem. No break from each other. I say from each other because I know he enjoys breaks from me just as much. Throw a pregnancy in there for me, and I know that I'm not making things much better. I'm irritable and I know it. Then there's my kid. He's stubborn. He's too smart for his own good. And in lots of ways he's too mature for his own good. He wants to be independent and that includes making decisions for himself (i.e. he doesn't want me to tell him what to do). We haven't been the best pair lately, him and I. He always thinks I'm being mean. ALWAYS. When I don't even think I am in the least, he thinks my tone of voice says differently and then he reacts and acts honory because he's upset with me for being mean, and then I get upset because he's always accusing me of being so mean. It's a vicious cycle.
He has been really unmotivated lately, and my energy level isn't always sufficient to provide motivation for him in addition to accomplishing all my other responsibilities. So we have drifted into a bit of a rut. He gets into these kicks where he becomes super motivated to behave better or to work more fervently to accomplish the academic goals we have made to get him kindergarten ready. But because he is seeking some sort of external reward for these changes, they never last long. I try to talk to him about true motivation to be good, to do good, and to seek after good and worthy accomplishments must come from within, but I feel like I am failing at this. Man parenting is rough. The older he gets the tougher he gets. I can do the physical part. I can run our errands, take my kids on fun outings, spend entire days at the park or pool. But the emotional part; the part where I have to go beyond just getting angry with my child, inflicting a punishment, and simply moving on, to taking the time to correct, redirect, and teach him with love and patience. Now that's the exhausting part. But I know in my heart that it is so much more important than anything else.
I had this nightmare about a month ago that I often reflect on. It's actually been quite hard to shake. Ben and I were driving in a car on a very windy road next to a body of water. As I took a turn too sharply I just knew that we weren't going to make the turn and we were headed into the water. I warned Ben of what was to come and told him to unbuckle his seat belt, hold his breath when we hit the water, and then swim up and find me. He told me he was scared and I assured him it would be okay. We hit the water and by some miracle the car we were in didn't have a top and we both easily escaped the vehicle. Ben was a few feet away from me, struggling to keep a float in the water. I swam over to him, grabbed him in my arms, and told him I've got you.
Then I woke up.
As I write this way too late at night I'm in tears because not in my memory has a dream had such profound meaning to me. He and I are on this journey together, and I'm the driver. I was so mad at myself all day thinking about that dream; because why the hell was I driving so fast. I had precious cargo in my car and was driving an unfamiliar road with no way to judge how my vehicle would handle the twists and turns. But I gave myself credit that I recognized that we were in trouble before we were and although I couldn't change the course, I had long enough to brace myself and warn my child of what was to come. I was able to instruct him what to do and get him to take off his seat belt so he wasn't dragged under.
I woke up before I was sure that we had gotten out of the water, but remembered that the water was calm, and that I had Ben firmly in my arms, and had begun to swim towards shore before waking up. I'm pretty certain that we made it. I'm pretty certain that we will make it. I'm learning how to better handle the twists and turns, and how better to advise and teach my child, and no matter what, no matter how difficult the day, always assure him of my unwavering love for him. Always making sure that he knows that I've got you.
Baby #3 took us about five months to bring forth. Not a terribly long time by any means, but longer than our other two took to conceive. I wasn't super anxious every month because we actually started to try a little before I had expected. We knew we wanted some good spacing between #2 and #3 but not as much as between #1 and #2. With #2 I decided I wanted a winter baby, and I got Jackson born January 25th. This time around I decided I wanted a Fall baby to give me variety to my birthday party planning (yes, a super sophisticated system for family planning I know). I decided that an August or September baby would be perfect for #3. So I actually didn't really want to get pregnant right away. And what did I end up with. An August 12th due date. Man, I'm a lucky girl. I have never gotten super anxious to take pregnancy tests. I really don't like to get my hopes up and I really hate negative tests. So I basically wait till I am almost positive that the results are going to be, well, positive. This time around I was just about certain that I knew. I was growing increasingly irritable and sensitive (i.e. balling during Frozen in the theaters).
I took this goofy picture of myself right after I found out the good news, but boy can you see the joy all over my face.
I got the positive test results around five weeks and felt good for another couple weeks until the symptoms hit. Very different this time around so I already started to get my hopes up that perhaps a girl was a brewing. Both my first and second pregnancies I had true morning sickness. Felt sick in the morning, throw up, and feel good for most the rest of the day, besides the major lack of energy. This time I just had a constant stomach ache for almost a month. I would throw up occasionally but mostly just felt slightly sick to my stomach or really crampy. I felt a definite lack of energy but couldn't always sleep very well. Luckily this all occurred end of December/beginning January where it feels pretty natural to hibernate and be lazy. Because that's exactly what we did. Way too much TV was watched. But we survived. And honestly I have really great pregnancies (knock on wood) and feel super blessed. I have one girlfriend who is really struggling with a whole gammut of symptoms and another friend has been on complete bed rest since about twenty-two weeks (my worst nightmare- I couldn't imagine being out of commission for my boys). I was also lucky to pull through the first trimester about two weeks ahead of schedule and felt great by ten weeks. We decided to re join a health club we used to belong to and I got back in the gym at that point and haven't turned back (more on working out this time around later). My first trimester ended with an ultrasound where I was told that "it looks like a girl." The area was flat but male parts could have still sprouted so the chances it was a girl were about 80%. I tried not to think about it too much at first but then decided those odds are pretty dang good and began the shopping, nursery planning, and day dreaming about a sweet girl in our home. Thank goodness my gamble paid off. You just can't return custom headbands and personalized leggings you know. : )
I am so excited for my baby girl's nursery. I have been eying some of the items from some of my favorite handmade business for sometime now, and I am completely in love with how it's all come together. Some of the big items we already own, including the glider and the crib. I'm going to do an Ikea transformation for the dresser, and I have found lots of the details from an unexpected source, Urban Outfitters. I don't like to go overly baby that way the room can transition as baby girl grows up. I am loving the airy gold, peach, and mint colors and the overall modern feel of the room. I have purchased many of the items already and am having a hard time holding back from getting it all set up right now. I think I should probably wait till at least June.
You finally turned two (well two months ago). You were telling people for so long that you were two thatI kind of started to believe you before the big day even came. Two is the only number you know. Sometimes you count to ten with just twos: two, two, two. Well recently you added eight to the mix, now everything is two, eight, two, eight. You are just the sweetest little guy ever Jackson. You started your life out not liking to cuddle much. You'd rather be laid in your crib than rocked to sleep and you'd rather be down on the ground or in your swing than held. I thought you wouldn't be much of a snuggler, and then overnight you became the biggest and snuggliest kind. You fall asleep for both nap and bedtime in my arms. Well, I'm usually in your arms as you have to give me this chokehold hug as you drift off. It's both heart melting and suffocating at the same time. You make me feel completely adored all the time. The way you look at me is the sweetest and you often reach out for my face or pat my arms or head softly. When you want some lovin' you say baby because that's what I'd always say when I picked you up or held you, so snuggles soon became known as baby time. You still don't have an extensive vocabulary but you are the smartest and understand everything we say to you; including multi step directions. You have a memory like an elephant (just like your mom and brother, well like your mom used to have). Since turning two you're really starting to talk more, using lots of two and three word sentences, usually starting with I: I book? I eat? It's so fun to hear your thoughts more and more each day as you are discovering how to express yourself through words. You are a very good and reasonable little person. You can sure get worked up from time to time but you have never been unconsolable (mommy is very lucky). You have come around to the idea of a baby and we love to say hi and bye to the babies as we enter Kids World at our gym everyday. You give my tummy lots of kisses and always include baby in the list of people you love. You are going to make the best big brother. Mommy loves you so much my sweet Jackson. You are just the blondest, cutest little guy and everyone always loves you. Can't wait to see what your third year has in store for you.
Mommy and Daddy got you a new carseat for your birthday. We do practical gifts for as long as we can get away with it.
We visited GG and Pa at the cake shop the morning of your birthday as per tradition to pick up your cake and balloons and then headed to Big Bear Diner for breakfast.
GG got you this great water play table, which your Papa put together later at your small family party.
New tree swing from your Mimi and Papa. The next morning I found Ben pushing you in it. Apparently he can lift you into the seat. I was just glad you were safely secured.
Kissing cousins. This photo could come in handy later as blackmail. : )