Monday, April 30, 2012

Remembering Baby Bentley

I was just thinking about my Ben when he was a baby last night.  I wasn't as good about blogging back then and can't remember if I wrote down some of this before or not, but thought that I would get it down now while it's fresh in my mind.  Something that sticks out the most in my mind about the first six or seven months of Ben's life is our nighttime routine.  The first couple months were a bit of a blur, so my best memories are from when we moved to Salt Lake when Ben was about two-months-old.  We were in a one bedroom and didn't have room to set up Ben's real crib, so he slept in a porta crib literally right next to my bed.  To get him to sleep at night I would lay on my bed with him with his tummy face down on my chest.  I would slowly pat on his little bum and he would very quickly doze off to sleep.  I remember how I would just lay there with him in my arms, feeling his little breath on my neck.  Sometimes I would hold him for an hour or so while watching TV.  James was almost always at work because he would work mostly nights after school at Finish Line.  So usually I would end up holding him from after eight (when he would go to bed), until James would get home around 9:30.
I also remember that because we were in a one bedroom apt. when Ben would wake up in the middle of the night I would always bring him into the living room.  I would usually nurse him on the couch and then walk around bouncing him in my arms to get him to go back to sleep (he really required a lot of bouncing to settle down sometimes).  We had a big window, which we had no blinds on, that faced into the courtyard of our apartment complex.  I remember how my view changed from out that window as fall came, then winter (the white snow everywhere was my favorite view of all).  By springtime luckily he was sleeping through the night so I never noticed the view quite as much.  It's funny how walking around your living room at 3 am causes you to really stop and notice the beauty of things.  I think it's because your tired body, mind, and spirit are searching hard for some positive in being up at 3 AM!
I remember how Ben went and did everything with us.  He was out little tag along baby.  Of course we had to adjust our lives some to him, but he really adjusted well to whatever our day entailed.  Being away from family and too poor to hire sitters all the time, necessitated that we all just go with the flow.  If James had a late basketball or football game then I would just push his nap back.  If we felt like going to the rare movie, then we would go during a typical nap time, so Ben would hopefully fall asleep.  James and I were talking about it on Saturday just how blessed we were that we were always able to schedule both of our school schedules and James' work schedule just so so that we never had to leave Ben with anyone else.  We always managed on our own and our baby always had his mommy or daddy.  We got by on a $12/hour job and I got to stay home with my baby.  We both graduated from great universities without ever having to take a leave of absence or without any debt, thanks to our wonderful parents.  Really we were just so blessed.  And we were so blessed to have such a good little first baby (which is why we are so shocked that our second is just as good- if not an ever more chill baby- we thought for sure we would be hit with a difficult one).  Ben was always super cuddly and smily.  He only cried when he needed something and was never unconsolable.  He always had a curiousness about him.  His eyes were always wide open to the world and always observing his surroundings (much like Jackson).  I can still picture his funny little expression (his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth half open, his eyes wandering) as James would fly him slowly over his head saying "super baby."
I hate that I already forget so many of the little things about my boo boo bears.  Hopefully I have written enough throughout this blog, and taken enough pictures to spark those little memories.  Now Ben insists that he is a big boy and the big brother, which sometimes makes me sad I must admit.  But I'm so glad that he does embrace his new role and enjoys being big, rather than being jealous that he is no longer my little baby.  Although I still tell him that he will ALWAYS be my baby.  ANd of course that is so so true.  

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